Here's lookin' at you kid...

Casablanca (1942)

Arguably the best romantic movie ever! I didn't think so. Maybe I've become a cynic.

Rick who owns a cafe in Casablanca has a misfortunate love affair in Paris, after which he becomes a cynic. Because a girl betrayed him, he would want to watch the world burn. But when the same girl walks into his cafe one night, accompanied by her husband, who is the leader of a freedom movement against the Nazis. Rick has an exit visa which could help Victor Lazlo go to America and countinue the freedom struggle. Our hero is caught in a dilemma, of revenge or of courage and strength.

Humphrey Bogart defines how a cool voice should sound and Ingrid Bergman looks a classic beauty. The movie has a gripping storyline. And the whole part of how Rick would / could / should react when he meets Ilsa again is played very well. It brings so many different feelings and interpretations in the minds of the viewer. That is what I think the tipping point of the movie is.

Without saying, the ending has Rick helping Ilsa and Victor getting on the plane to leave Casablanca. Rick sticking his neck out for the apparent love of his life. This brings me to another point. My friend came up with this line - Nice is not natural! This theory states that man needs to be taught and reminded how to be nice. Children in school are drilled with lessons of behaiour. Elders are there to remind us at every step. Movies and music inspire us to be a bigger man. Because, it's not natural to us. Being bad, rude, destructive, revengeful is all our natural instinct. Humans are more of a self destruct machines than block builders. Rick had the-whole-movie-of-an-internal-conflict so that he would do the right thing! Why are we any different! Make mistakes, but learn from them!

Rate - 3.5/5

Live free or die hard

Die Hard 4.0 (2007)

Its a very good work out movie! (That is if you're working out and you're as old as Bruce Willis OR you think that mentioning your working out schedule would get some honeys to this blog, nobody ever visits anyway!) Its like watching the latest Indiana Jones movie : Kingdom of crystal skull, with a worn out old man playing the lead paired with a young gun (who, thankfully, is not Bruce's son...his daughter falls for him though!) Atleast that was a Steven Speilberg movie!

This movie is only about action. No brainer, blasts of fire, choppers and car action. The scenes of the F-35 jet hovering around the flyovers and how a running car takes out a helicopter are very well done. But thats about it. There isn't much to talk about in this movie. The story is too predictable, the characters are too stereotypical.

I would rather suggest you go read the book "The fall of arms" from which this movie is inspired.

Rate - 1.5/5

Man with a heart

Invincible (2006)

You might think I'm targetting actors to diss - Mark Wahlberg and Jason Statham. But thats not true. Its a cosmic plan that I only watch movies by these actors and instead of saying bad things about them, I'd be rather impressed.

This is a football-inspirational-cinderella story. Boy, am I a sucker for those! But there is something different (And you think what do I look for in movies!) This movie is based on a true story. This movie is a Walt Disney movie (surprizing, as is Pirates of the Caribbean!) And thirdly, this cinderella story is a sort of mixed bag. (Unlike Goal, where everything happens to extremes. Rise and fall.)

A 30 year old bartender gets picked for a dying football team, but its really the new coach who revives the team. The protaganists' support system (friends) and new love interest character is/are very corny. The story is pretty predictable, but thats not what keeps you gripped.

Its the film making. The movie has a very nice sepia tone off the field and a very pastel tone in the football games and practice sessions. Detailing has been given a lot of emphasis and it shows.

Heart of a person can beat his talent. The movie is about a place where people trust others on a an instinct, believe in the goodness of people and do whatever they can to make the people you really care about, happy. Gosh! I just summarized the meaning of life in three lines!

Rate - 3/5

The true test of character is when you're up against it.

Absolutely lovely

Paris je T'Aime (2006)

It means Pari, I love you. Still love the person who taught me to say that. Je T'aime beancup.

And this movie is absolutely lovely. 18 short films by 18 strong directors from all over the world. And all of them have one thing in common - strong characterization. All stories are about the multiplicity of love in the city the defines, epitomizes and destroys love - Paris!

I only knew 3 directors from the bunch - Gurinder Chaddha (Quais de Seine, of the Bend it like Beckham fame), Gus van Sant (Le Marais, of the Good will hunting and Finding Forrestor fame) and The Coen brothers (Tuileries, of No country for old men fame) But the best of the short films came from directors that I'd never heard of...

1st - Sylvain Chomet (Tour Eiffel) : how a small boy recollects how their parents meet, in a prison, who are mimic artists!

2nd - Tom Tykwer (Faubourg Saint-Denis) : a blind young man falls in love with an aspiring actor. slick wicked editing. fantastic music.

3rd - Oliver Smitchz (Place des Fetes) : How a black woman tries to save a black sweeper whom is knifed, whom she had recently encountered and events led up to him dying.

There are interestingly awesome concepts like vampires, street walking conversations, Oscar Wilde's ghost, gay flirting, asain hair cutting salons, muslim women and many many more. Watching something like this makes your mind wonder at the creative collage people can put up. Wonder, fascinate and ponder at these awe-striking storylines. Their simplicity and weirdness make them so believable. I was blown away, mentally. Physically, I was a little bored. I would've much rather enjoyed these movies independently then watching them back to back. But none-the-less, the movie is like a bunch of flowers. Fresh. Fragrant. Independently beautiful.

Please watch it with someone you love. Or atleast don't hate!

Rate - 3.5/5

P.S.:This is the first french movie I've seen with no mention of the Tour de France! But then again, how many french films have I seen?

I cant remember to forget you!

Memento (2000)

All though I've seen this movie before, I wanted to watch it again because - a. its fuckin amazing and b. Amir Khan is coming out with a Memento rip off called Ghajini which is going to suck. I hate Amir and I hope he reads this!

Christopher Nolan is one of the best directors that I've seen in my time. With other movies like The Prestige, The Dark Knight and Batman Begins attached to his name, his shot to fame was this very movie which made the whole "time - skewed movies" very cool. Movies like Pulp Fiction, Memento and Irreversible totally changed the idea of how to make a movie, the unconventional time concept way, kinda like how Albert Einstein would make a movie. I wonder if he would ever work with Hitchcock, thats a movie I'd be dying to see.

Coming back to Memento, this movie has an weird concept but, to accompany it, impecable storyline. I've seen movies in which the concept is really nice but the story lacks substance, characters lack credibilty or there plain simple no story at all. This movie has all the elements required. Except an unquestionable storyline. The plotline essentially leaves loopholes for inumerable questions - Was there really a Sammy Jenkins? (Yes) How did Lenny get out of the mental institution? (Run away, probably) Was Teddy a faker? (Yes) What about Natalie? (She killed his wife) But thats the beauty of it, it leaves it all to your imagination. Everybody who has seen the movie can have their own, mystifying interpretation of this film. And thats a pretty hard thing to do, trust me. So where people think the storyline lacks truth, I feel thats one of the greatest upsides of the film - the veiwer can write his own ending!

So here mine - I think Natalie killed Leonard's wife. I think they were having an affair to begin with. But Natalie was a drug junkie in search of only one thing - money. Sometimes Dodi, sometimes someone else. This time Leonard. Things got a little out of hand the night she tried to steal from Lenny house so she hit him on the head. She got lucky with Lenny having this memory condition. Sammy Jenkins was real and John G was not. Pretty far fetched, but I've heard much intricate versions of different plotline from my friends.

About the filming, the director makes no special efforts making it slick or colour toned. The movie speaks for itself. The reverse chronological order is done magnificently. And Guy Pearce, who I haven't seen much of and I don't have to guess why, has been potrayed very well by the director. Yes, I would've preferred a better actor, but not someone whose aura would take over the storyline. Maybe thats why this Guy fits the role well.

Maybe the best Memento that Leonard could have of his wife was the insulin needle that he used to make tatoos!!!

Rate - 4.5/5

Trivia : Christopher Nolan's directoral debut? Following.

kya aapne RAB ko dekha hai??

Rab ne bana di jodi (2008)

Another Shah Rukh Khan masala fantasy fillum. As much I am a fan of this guy, I think he is starting to loose it. And Aditya Chopra does a fare job in his comeback after Mohobattein.

I think the uber cool Shah Rukh was very irritating. I loved the character of Mr. Suri, the plain simple paplu Shah Rukh, who doesn't know much about things in life...but knows enough about things that really matter. Anushkha Sharma is very hot and an extremely cool dancer. Vinay Shukla does very well in his short role.

The filming, I must say, is very crisp and clear. Bright loud colours and pastel tones that make characters stand out of their skin. The stunning innocence of Suri, the gorgeous Punjabi-ness of Taaniji and the irritating Raj! But the background music is the same old tune that plays every 20 seconds (the same deal with all Chopra-Johar films) Aditya Chopra tries to make a new age comedy but gets caught in his age old addage of senti crap in between for all the saas - bahu type females. And if I had a penny for every time they said RAB in the movie, I'd be rich enough to a translator for myself so I'd sit and watch the film with her! (Read punjabi)

I wish this film was director by Dibaker Banerjee (Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye and Khosla ka ghosla) Atleast we would've had a lot less RAB and a lot more laughs!

Rate - 2/5

The salvation of humanity lies in its shame...

Solyaris (1972)

This is an old classic with is regular slow pattern, long camera holds and raw editing. My friend who is a fan of the seventies and eighties will love this. I would beg to differ, till the last half hour of the film.

The movie is boring for a guy like me, who watches slick and fast movies like Sin City and A Wednessday. But I'm also a man of patience. You need to give every director a chance to put forth his vision and be patient with his work. Only after he says "the end" are you allowed to rip his case apart. I wouldn't do that to Andrei Tarkovsky!

The movie starts off as a sci-fi thriller where a psychologist is sent to a spaceship where only three disturbed inhabitants live, over the solaris ocean. This ocean is an ever changing body which produces magnectic fields to produce the so-called hallucinations. It actually brings out the deepest and darkest fears and griefs of these people and produces them in a real, animate form.

Let me explain - the psychologist meets his wife on this ship who had died ten years ago beacuse of a mistake of the psychologist. He could never forgive himself. He develops an emotional and physical bond with this "wife" But both of them know that she isn't human. Infact she has no recollection of anything more than what he knows about her. She is a fiction of his imagination, only for real. She doesnt feel emotion, doesn't sleep or eat. Even when the psychologist gets rid of her, a new "wife" comes the next day.

This is how every person on the spaceship is tormented till they eventually commit suicide. In this psychobabble, philosophy and psychology are mixed to form one of the most brilliant endings of a movie I've seen in recent times. The story in the last half hour just hits you and you are left thinking of the unanswerable question in life : What is life?

The psychologist eventually lands on a solaris island where he meets his father (with whom he obviously has conflicts!) He chooses to stay in a world of illusion than to face the reality. A sort of cocoon of protection, a bubble ready to burst, a great line yet to be written...

Rate - 3.5/5

Tolstoy - Sleep is one of the great levellers. A king sleeps like a pauper and a pauper sleeps like a king!

A different teen movie, I swear!

The girl next door (2004)

Elisha Cuthbert. I can't say anything else because she carries the movie on her back. (I wanted to name other body parts but then this blog would go in a different direction) As kids, we found her to be a goddess. But now that I saw this movie again (I can't believe I saw this movie again!) I think she is, well, allright!

The good thing about the movie is the unpredictable storyline. Well done. To have a typical teen college movie setting, and then to include a porn star in it... and then to come out of all the mess.... needs brains. And the movie is quite believable.

The guy who plays Kelly (the pimp) has done a good job, but I've never seen him in any other thing, on earth or elsewhere! One hit wonder types! (apparently he is featured in movies like Dreamcatcher, Hitman, Live free or die hard!)

Rate - 1.5/5

Another Jason Statham movie!

Transporter 3 (2008)

Why O why, did I go for this movie? Action, Jason, sequel (Well, we all know sequels suck. But I haven't seen the previous two!) I saw the movie because of Amogh. And I made him pay for it. (No gay innuendos!)

A baseless car crashing movie with some good fight scenes and an absolutely unecessary love story element. I mean we really could've done without the actress and used the money to hire better writers to write a better story, or atleast a better ending, that leaves people in a jaw drop when they leave the theatre. The only thing that dropped when I left the theatre is my belief in spontaneous movie plans!

Whatever said, I think I've kinda started liking this Jason Statham guy. Though he can't act for nuts, he has an awesome body and an equally husky voice to go with it. He fits his roles like Death Race where he doesn't really have to do much. Or maybe I've just seen a lot of his movies lately (Death Race, Transporter 3, The Italian Job and Lock, stock and two smoking barrels)

Audi vs Mercedes is the only upside of the film.

Rate - 1.5/5

Come, fall in love...with your brother's bride!

Sorry bhai (2008)

This is one of the boldest movies Indian cinema has ever produced. Director Onir proves his mettle in directing extremely sensitive subjects with absolute ease and a flow which lacks any artificiality. His previous film, My brother Nikhil, was about a homosexual swimmer who contracted AIDS and lived his last days with his loving sister.

This movie has two basic colour tones - blue and white. And the influence of oceans and beaches is sketched all over Onir's movies. Gives the film a very fresh and raw feel. The film is shot with minimal background score and the story is gripping.

The characters - Boman Irani is by far the most lovable of the cast. He is very cute playing the playful dad in his own way. I just hate Shabana Azmi, but her acting skills can't be denied. She plays the nagging mother who nags only because she means well for her children. Sharman Joshi has excellent comic timing, but doesn't look like a psychisist who plays the saxophone and is the perfect man. Talking about perfect, actress Chitrangadha Sen is. She is hot, has brains and money (She is the real life wife to golfer Jeev Milkha Singh) Brand new addition to my hot list. After Hazaaron khwashein aisi, she returns with a good performance. That leaves us to the smallest character in the movie, Sanjay Suri, who is incidentally also the producer. No wonder he kept his role as short as possible, he wanted the movie to work!

But I'm afraid that ain't gonna happen. This movie is conceptually ahead of its time for Indian ausdiences. A man falling in love with his future sister - in - law won't be well taken by the public. But I guess you should watch the movie to find out how hot Chitrangadha really is!

Rate - 2.5/5

Trivia - Chitrangadha Sen has acted in three bollywood movies. Hazaroon khwashien aisi, Sorry bhai and..? Kal

Masterpiece of maddness

One flew over the cuckoo's nest (1975)

This is one of the classics of modern cinema and I dare to differ! Jack Nicholson is the saviour of the asylum and the mentor of the mountain of a man, a red Indian, who is the one who eventually flew over the cuckoo's nest without getting caught!

Being a psychiatrist, I deeply identify with the movie and do not find the nurse a tryant at all. Uptill the point where she makes Billy feel guilty of having sex with a woman just to show her dominance. I think that shit was really fucked up! (I must be high to use this language!)

People have raved and raved about this movie, its brilliant scripting and scuptous acting by Jack, so I'm going to talk about something different. How every character in the movie has a different personality disoreder and how it has been flawlessly potrayed in the movie. Nowhere in the movie has a character deviated from acting his disoreder for the sake of the story. The story has not developed characters of its own, but the characters has developed a story of their own. In my point of view, the most important aspect of a film is the storytelling, and this film stands that test with truth, honesty and justice to each character. Even the Indian who kills Jack Nicholson in the end is justified due his disorder of being repressed by the society and chooses to be in eternal solemn of silence forever.

Jack Nicholson is one of the few actors who has a sly / wicked / joyous / playful smile. It can be interpreted in as many ways as the characters that he has potrayed in his inumerable films. This film is all about the array of human personality traits (which are so very well studied in the mentally ill)

It is a masterpiece etched in cinematic history for its paranormal charcterization and its sheer rebellious nature. The modern society is rebellious to its very core, and anything which appeals to this primitive urge of ours is very easily identified with and remembered by us for a very long time to come. So is this movie. Marvelous!

Rate - 4.5/5

What the hell is a Faun?

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

I had heard so much about this movie - how it was the best adult fairy-tale ever filmed, the art direction is freaking amazing, its was too good to be true. Apparently, its too believable to be supernatural. I wasn't impressed as much as I thought I would be, maybe I expected too much.

The story is an amalgamation of a little girl, Ofelia's imagination and real life resistance to a Spanish tyrant which is no childs' play. The interplay of these stories is very well done and the higher meaning is also very well potrayed.

The little girl is a princess in her own world where her father is the king and the mother is the king. In reality, her father dies and her mother marries a Spanish captain. Ofelia has her own world of story books and fantasy. When her step brother is being born, her mother dies. Simultaneously, the resistance gets better of the captain brings about his downfall. The climax is a test of her character where she chooses to give her blood over the blood of an innocent (her step brother)

Yes, its a very vivid storyline and the art direction is great, but, seriously...I don't see it...

I don't see why the movie is so abso-fuckin-lutely great?

And what the hell is a faun?

Rate - 2.5/5

Blockbuster Action

Death Race (2008)

This is another mindless, numbing, ruthless, muscle tearing, bullet ripping, car crashing, pile up junkie action movie that I've watched in one day, and how do I feel at the end of the day? Fucking liberated!

After all that I heard about the movie, its not that bad at all. The story makes more sense than I thought it would. And Jason Statham shows off his action movie genre again. The characters are very plain and there is no emotion on any of their faces.(which is a good thing for this movie) The character of Frankenstein doesn't seem to develop through the movie. But then again, ITS A JASON STATHAM MOVIE! Whaddya expect?

A millionaire bitch who runs a correction facility in the middle of the ocean kills Statham's wife and frames him so that he would come to her prison and race as the masked Frankenstein and keep the legend alive so that the fans who watch Death Race live on TV won't be dissapointed and the bitch would make more money. Statham cracks the code and ties all ends up. (Kills the killer of his wife, blows up the bitch, honours the Coach, helps his opponent, wins the Death Race and, I wish, gets down with Natalie Martinez!!)

The death race, per se, is shot very well with good punch of thrills. Its a joyride from the start and doesn't loose momentum. There is absolutely no scene in the movie which seemed extra or unnecessary. The whole wife and kid sequence of the convict hero is done in a short and a non-boring way, which I like. Kinda getting to the point of racing as fast as possible. All in all, a popcorn cruncher action flick!

Rate - 3/5

No guns allowed

The Italian Job (2003)

This movie is no-nosense, no guns, no useless glamour heist movie. Truly entertaining!

Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron probably look like real-life con artists (I wouldn't know how real life con artists are, but i guess) And the other guys also do a good job in keeping it real. None of that Gone in 60 seconds or Oceans' Eleven shit! This is the real deal.

The part where they literally "blow the ground beneath your feet" is what makes the story WOW! Whatever they have to steal, they blow up the ground beneath it and stand exactly below to catch...and run. Plan a good escape and you don't need any guns.

The story builds up very well and the only downer would be no heat. The chemistry between the male and female leads is more real than sexual. But hey, thats the key to the entire movie. Keeping it real!

Edward Norton could've done more with the character he got. Jason Statom on the other hand really puts "Handsome Rob" in the frame.

This is a typical 90's storyline shot with the finesse of the 2000's. Its one of those one hit wonders type movie which are brilliant but isolated. No sequels. No other movie from the same director. Similar movie that comes to my mind - Matador!

Rate - 3.5/5

"How are you?"

"Fine"

"You know what fine means, don't you?"

"Freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional."

What the fuck have you done recently?

Wanted (2008)

This movie is an adrenalin rush. What an action movie! But...there is no storyline. Lets just throw logic out of the window, then the movie is fanta-bolous. (I'm not sure wheather I'm praisin' or dissin')

But seriously, the action sequences are brilliant. Whatever you might say about the story and the wannabe nature of the movie (Wanted to Fight Club and James McAvoy to Edward Norton) I enjoyed the whole bending bullets, trainwrecks and bullet time shootings. And Angelina Jolie. What can I say, I'm a sucker for tatoos which are strategically placed.

The build up when the protaganist is a loser is what makes it gripping. After the self discovery, the character looses his charm and the story takes over. (huh, what story?)

The movie also sends out a message - Take control of your life. (just like Fight Club) "This is me taking control. Of nagging bosses. Of cheating girlfriends. Of back-stabbing best friends. And of evil-minded villians. What the fuck have you done recently?"

Rate - 3/5 (only for the insane action!)

Oye sadda Lucky!

Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye! (2008)

Now thats what I call a title. Why can't we have more movies in which the title doesn't make any sense? (like Phoonk) This movie is a steal, literally. The story of a real life sweet talker Lucky Singh who stole from the rich, mixed with the affluent society and was sincerly truthful in his work. Now where would you find a theif like that? In Delhi.

The story begins in Lucky's adolescent days when he starts liking a girl, but doesn't have a scooter to take her for a ride. Everything begins from there and soon Lucky becomes one of the biggest con artists of the country. He doesn't kill or loot the poor. All he likes is Mercedes, TVs and women. He is a favourite amongst people for his honesty and amongst women for his charm. Abhay Deol fits the bill for the role and does it with ease and grace (as all his past films - Manorama, Ek chaalis ki last local and Socha naa tha)

The music rocks. The movie, on the other hand, starts out as very hilarious but looses grip as it progresses.

There has come a time in Bollywood when being rural north Indian is suddenly cool. After movies like Rang de basanti, Omkara, Tashan, Singh is King, Jab we met, Bunty aur Babli the face of the new Indian hero is an illiterate, punjabi accented, jugaad karnewala, high on fashion banda. (Read Aashu from Roadies or Raja Chowdary from Big Boss) Not that I'm complaining, or that I have something against north Indians guys. (ahem!) Its just that Im liking it too much to believe that I can actually like it.

Rate - 2/5

Absolute gore vs crisp storytelling

Grindhouse (2007)

These are two movies back to back with fake trailers and missing reels. Typical of a lowly grindhouse theatre with bad sound and film quality. But the films are fucking brilliant.

Planet Terror by Robert Rodrigues is about how a small town in Texas is raided by zombies and a one -legged woman saves the day. With an awesome background score by the director himself, this movie has all the gore put together in all the movies you have seen this year. The typical plastic-bag-filled-with-water-crushing sound of cutting flesh and bodies falling is so typical of this genre of movies.

Death Proof is a trademark Quinten Tarentino film with impecable characterization. (Not to mention a lot of hot women) A psychopath car stuntman only kills a bunch of hot women. One such pack decides to give back the psycho, a taste of his own insanity. The car chase is the highlight of this segment of the movie.

Such movies are about how vague and weird the storyline and the direction can get. And these two directors have aced the art of interestingness. Not only because they have stylish camera work, an ear for music and a boner for hot women, but they have a natural knack to tell a story. However weird, small, gory or simple the story might me, I would like it if it was told to me by these motherfuckers.

Rate - 3.5/5

I dont believe in angels, I only believe in pain!

Max Payne (2008)

What a pathetic movie! I mean, this was a serious waste of time. Mark Wahlberg is a really bad Max Payne. Why couldn't they have Timothy Gibbs play Max Payne (it was him on which the character was designed in the game - The Fall of Max Payne) The game is super excellent and the movie is miles away from even dreaming of being so good.

This shows that good visuals and sin-city-like styling maketh not a good movie. Maketh a good movie - Substance. And this movie needs a serious dose of substance. Because we all know the characters, we understand the depth of the story, but the movie itself has poor characterization. The entire flying demons part looks very nice and the part when Payne takes the Vikaryl is very well done. But that all that I can praise the movie for. I seriously couldn't find anything on the upside (and believe me, I tried)

And to make matters worse, Olga Kurleyenko (the not-hot-at-all Bond girl) does a small bit in the movie. Thank heavens she doesn't have a rash when she takes her top off.

Rate - 1/5

Loosly connected, strongly bound.

Babel (2006)

This Oscar winner is an absolute treat for the mind. A twisted tale of four seemingly unrelated stories with no real deep connection but one thing in common - how humans cope with unexpected worse case scenarios (things they wouldn't even dream of happeneing even in their ugliest nightmares) and how life can get so difficult, so trying, so unfair and eventually so... righteous.

Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu as done a phenomenal job of story-telling with the correct mix of sensitivity and brutality, using a soothing background score and scorching locations for the cinematic effect. He is a mezmerizing story teller (which I could also tell from his earlier "21 grams")

Cate Blanchett plays the unlucky woman who gets shot by freak gunfire in Morocco by two kids whose father has just bought a rifle. The rifle originally belonged to a Japanese man whose daughter is deaf and mute who is hungry for love. (sex alike) Brad Pitt desperately tries to save Cate in Tazarine while their kids are back home being taken care off by a Mexican nanny, who has to reach home for her son's wedding. She takes the kids along with her to Mexico, eventually gets caught by the police and is deported out of the States. The young man who mistakenly shot at Cate surrenders to the police not before his innocent younger brother gets killed in gunfire. And as for the young Japanese woman, she doesn't get to have sex, neither can she ever get over the visual of her mom killing herself.

This mastereous inter-racial storyline is crafted for simplicity and human endurance. Thumbs up.

Rate - 4/5

Compulsory for all football fans

Goal II : Living the dream (2007)

Santiago Munez goes to Real Madrid. Enter Ronaldo, Beckham, Zidane, Carlos and Ronaldinho. This movie is a visual treat (for fans and movie goers) With slick editing and one fast Lamborghini, the movie is fast paced. The ball tricks are obviously absolutely awesome.

The storyline could've done with some rainchecks and the footballing stars could've done with some dialogues, but I'm not complaining that much. Because I enjoyed the movie.

The movie comes with a moral - whatever goes up has to come down. And take it form personal experience, whatever goes up really fast, comes down even quicker. And trying to hold on to it, makes it bitter and bitter until it tastes like, well, me.

Rate - 2/5

Saw series

SAW V (2008)

This is the latest of what the Saw series has to offer. How Hoffman became the new Jigsaw, how he was involved for most of the killings and how he manipulates Agent Stahm is what the movie is all about.

But the Saw movies are really about gore, death games and brilliant philosophy by the frontal lobe tumour guy. And sad to say, this movie lacks all three. If you see this movie in isolation, its fantastic, but if you are an ardent Saw fan - then you'd find this movie, just mediocre. The beginning scene of the pendulum killing is very well shot.

The philosophy keeps pouring. Here Jigsaw explains to Hoffman the funda of giving everybody a chance. And never kill someone if they would readily kill themselves.

The best gift someone can receive is anonymity. Check out the movie if you dont believe me.

Rate - 3.5/5

Favourite Jigsaw quote - Your vengence will only hurt the ones you love.

Gadar, ab angrezi mein!

Partition (2007)

If Gadar were to be remade in English, this would be it. Its a strong story to begin with, removing all the melodrama from the hindi version and a heart-moving performance from the cast (Jimi Mistry & Kristen Kreuk) this movie is a beautiful piece of work.

The ending has Gian Singh dying at Lahore railway station which gives it a sort of brutality that partition literature is supposed to have (where it scores over Gadar) Neve Campbell does a fair bit by playing the jilted Englishwoman who loves the Sikh soldier who supposedly killed her younger brother at World War II.

The funny part is how they had some Indian words in this english movie which were hilariously mispronounced - like the word "puttar" I mean, if you are having the entire movie in english with punjabi peasants also speaking angrezi, why have a comic element like puttar??

Rate - 3/5

De Niro is da Man!

Awakenings (1990)

Four words baby - Robin Williams and Robert DeNiro. They steal the show. Esspecially DeNiro who plays a (?) Parkinson's catatonic patient swinging from psychotic to sober (which is actually a side-effect of L Dopa)

Robin Williams is a doctor who hates contact with humans is forced to work in "the garden" (A chronic hospital where patients are all in a vegetative state) and he tries a new drug (L Dopa) on his theorized Parkinson's patients who havn't moved in years yielding to intense tremor leading to catatonia. When the drug works, these patients magically awaken from their locked-in state.

A very well done screenplay. Originally written by Dr. Oliver Sacks, M.D. who also wrote the original book of the movie "At First Sight"

The movie also touches a cliche issue of how humans have forgotten the SPLs (small pleasures of life) the ever continuing rat race for power, money or fame. Well, I think thats the central idea of all of Oliver's works and i duly agree with him.

Ever wondered what you would do if you ever went out for a walk all by yourself? Watch the movie and understand yourself!

Rate - 4/5

The weight of the heart?

21 grams (2003)
This is one of those movies which you have no clue to where its going. but with some patience and a liking for Sean Penn (he is a true stud) you realize that every bit falls into place rather perfectly and every scene that looked stupid actually makes sense. Its one of the very few "time skewed" movies (in which multiple time plots are going on at the same time like Pulp Fiction, Memento, Irreversible - movies that experiment with time) which doesn't have a narration, which is very commendable on the directors part to make the story come alive without a constant voice in the head of the protagonist. (except the last scene when we finally hear what Sean Penn is talking inside his head)

Naomi Watts does a very good job and so does Del Toro.
But what I didn't get is the title. Why is it called 21 grams?

And how could I end the review without mentioning heart transplant. (thats why I ask does a heart weigh 21 grams? only??)
Rate - 4/5

Fuckin hilarious

Deshdrohi (2008)

I don't know why I ever saw this movie...I had a choice between teen patti and this, but my cunt friends preferred this. I'd like to thank then from the bottom of my heart for giving me one of the most hilarious 2 and 1/2 hours I've ever had.
Kamaal R Khan (KRK taken from SRK) simply rocks. He is a man of doesn't. He doesnt have looks, he doesnt have the talent to act and he doesnt have the body to hurt my grandma (that's why Gracy Singh does all the fighting for him) But what he has is the fucking balls to make this movie - not only because of the social issue that he addresses but also the strength to bear the ridicule that he will face. Not to mention the amount of money that he has to get Hrishta Bhatt romances around him.
Every dialogue, every movement, every facial expression of this man is a work of art. You really cant stop laughing even though you've seen this man run a thousand times. He runs like you've never seen a human being run. And the scenes are so haphazardly edited that you wonder if its the same movie that you are still watching. But KRK's brilliant comedy overshadows all the flaws of this movie.
On a serious note, because of the whole North Indians in Maharashtra, India being a free country and Raj Thackerey's MNS this movie has gained a lot of mileage and has been banned in this state. But I'm sure the movie is a massive blockbuster up north as a hard hitting political drama with KRK's performance is regarded as a national hero. But those people will never read my blog, probably because they cant (means or ability)
Rate - (i must really be insane to even rate this movie) 0.5/5
Only because of the extremely funny dialogues and expressions of KRK
personal reference - what do you get when you mix sufi and randhir? KRK!

Trust thy self!

O (2001)

Before I start out... yes, its an Othello adaptation. Yes, all the characters are very strong (of course, the story is. C'mon Shakespeare isn't Shakespeare for nothing!) and yes, Desmodenia is hot.

Since the obvious is out of the way, I love how the motif is changed in this movie. Its a basketball team whose coach is Hugo ie. Iago's dad. The coach always favours O who is the star "playa" and the MVP (and nigga, might I add...get the racial connection?) O is dating Desi (Julia Stiles) and his main man is Mike (Cassio) Now we all know how Hugo (Josh Hartnett) uses Desi & Mike to mess with the mind of O. The usual conflict of race, trust, brotherhood and lust that ensues is what the movie is all about.

Josh Hartnett gives a gripping performance but no actor outshines the truly immaculate, flawless, filled with conflict storyline of this movie. If Deewar is considered the baap of Bollywood scripts, Othello is the God of english literature.

If God were to reside in the mind of men, I wouldn't say that a different God lived in Othello than that of Iago. Iago was always a part of Othello. He listened to him because he wanted to listen to him. He only believed what he wanted to. No doubt he loved Desmodenia, but he ended up killing her not because he was provoked or blinded by deceit of other men, it was because he wanted to kill her. Somewhere, deep down inside, he knew she was too perfect to be true. And so to not let this perfection dissolve, he had to destroy it. Desmodenia and himself. Iago just laid out the path for Othello...

Rate - 3.5 / 5

Trivia - Which actor features in this movie as well as the 1995 Lawrence Fishbourne's Othello? Martin Sheen

I'd rather be lucky than good

Match point (2005)

The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net, and for a split second, it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward, and you win. Or maybe it doesn't, and you lose.

I didnt write that (I wish I did) This is how this Woody Allen movie begins. And pretty much sums up the entire story. A young Irish tennis pro (Johnatthan Rhyff Myers) mixes with an English bloke, marries his sister, works for her fathers multi - million pound comapany, does his American-struggling-actress ex - fiance (Scarlett Johansen) and leads a happy and well balanced life while having an extra-marital affair.

Trouble comes when he cant get his wife pregnant but his mistress gets knocked up. So he plans to kill Scarlett. The plan, the execution and the escape is where the entire luck factor comes into play.

A brilliantly written story.They had this weird opera theme going on in the background and the movie seemed too lenghty (but I saw this back to back after "Proof" late in the night, so my opinion could've been compromized.) Johnatthan Rhyff Myers seemed blunted for emotions in some scenes.

The message that this movie patronizes is - If you're lucky enough, you can even get away with murder!

Rate - 3/5

I want to date a hot mathematician

Proof (2005)

This is a story of mathematicians. How am I a sucker for such movies! (Oxford Murders, Number 23, Good Will Hunting, 21, A Beautiful Mind, Hyper Cube and many more...)

But this movie also has brilliant performances. Gwenyth Paltrow plays the daughter of an insane yesteryears mathematician Anthony Hopkins who did some brilliant work back in the day. Now after his demise, a very important proof (something to do with prime numbers) is found and Gwenyth claims to have written it. Juggling between what she inherited from her father - the intellect and the insanity, she tries to explain to her boyfriend (also a mathematician and a student to her father) and her sister that she is the rightful author of the proof. But there is no proof that she has written the proof!

The movie is an adaptation from an award winning play. The play must be really good figuring the movie has strong screenplay and dialogues (and also some math, which many math & science movies lack)

All geniuses are insane but not all insanes are genious!

Rate - 3/5

The puzzle of sight

At first Sight (1999)

I randomly caught this movie on Star on a boring saturday afternoon. At the end I found it was inspired from a true story.

The movie is about a blind man who regains his sight for a brief period. Period. But the movie is really about how change is bad for everyone to begin with. Even for people who adapt very well to it.

A blind man who is blind from birth sees things like cotton candy, water drops on window pane, the coulour purple for the first time and is as fascinated as a child. Val Kilmer is expressionless like the plastic faced Keanu Reeves and Mira Sourvino (who is hot as hell) plays the woman who is love with this man. She would do anything to make him see. But he is dissapointed with what he sees in the world : the misery, the ugliness, the sadness. At to this, internal conflicts of his father who estranged him, his over-protective big sister and the woman who loves him (who also has an ex-husband, btw) and you have movie material. The movie would have been much better with a better male lead...like probably Edward Norton.

The medical case is like a House episode, without obviously the medical terms and House himself, but a lot of soap - opera emotional crap (which a real life blind man would go through)

Mira Sourvino would be a really nice Cuddy though!

All in all, a much better movie on similar lines would be "Awakenings"

Rate - 2/5

The best goodbye ever!

Dasvidaniya (2008)

This is a beautiful film. And its Vinay Pathak all the way...

Although the movie is inspired from the Jack Nicholson - Morgan Freeman starrer "The Bucket List", this movie has taken life of its own. There are brilliant moments in the film - like when Amar and his mother go for a drive in the car, when Rajiv (Rajat Kapoor) bids Amar goodbye at the airport, when Amar finally tells Neha that he loves her or when Amar & his brother make peace. This film is all about moments. Moments that mean a lifetime. And since Amar didnt have much of a lifetime, he wanted to live as many such moments as possible!

Words fall short of Vinay Pathak's performance. He carries the film on his wounded shoulders and smiles through the journey. And a very well written story by Arshad Sayyed supports his cause (The Russian prostitute was genius!)

Three fantastic songs. Shashant Shah's debut film is soft, heart wrenching and warm. Im sure a lot of females and my friend Harsh will cry through the movie.

Rate - 4/5

Personal references - G9 & G10...we have but only G4

the best dumb charades team...I know one!

Not another future fight movie.

Reign of Fire (2002)

When I saw the promo of this movie on Star Movies, I thought it was just another stupid futuristic movie about how a bigger evil has screwed with the human race and a hero fights back. And to make it even more ridiculous - the evil is DRAGONS! (wtf, dragons in the future?) But I have four words for you - Christian Bale & Matthew McCoughanny.

These two have given power-packed performances and added so much more to their character. Bale exhibits the internal conflict of a Bristish leader-of-survivors group with intense eyes while Matthew plays an American do-whatever-to-get-it-done dragon slayer with a husky voice. A female lead who understands both men could have been a guy and I would care less!

The story has loopholes - it were the dragons that caused the dinosaurs to become extinct and that there is only one male of the dragon species that fertilizes all the dragon females. But given these facts, you wouldn't pay much attention to the story if the dramatization is well done, which it is.

Action sequences are mediocre, one or two stand out (when Matthew dies and when Archangels try to catch a dragon)

I wouldn't see the movie if it wasn't for Christian Bale. He makes this run of the mill future movie...a bit more. (just like Equilibrium - but that had an immaculate storyline)

Rate - 3/5

Jesus is a fake?

The Da Vinci Code (2006)

For all those who haven't read the book, go make Dan Brown a little happier by getting the original hard cover. Its a good read if you are into history and puzzles...and so is the movie.

Justice has been done to all the characters in the movie - Robert Langdon, Sophie Neveu, Lee Teipeng, Silas (my favourite) and Inspector Fache. The movie can be dark at sometimes, I literally mean dark, but the mixing of past sequences with the present is exqusitely done continuing the flow of storytelling. Tom Hanks hasnt been able to do anything great with his role because none of the characters are actually in control of the story. Its like the wheels have already been set into motion and this is where the rolling stone has gathered too much moss. Good background score.

Now that leaves us to the story - a very controversial novel when made into a movie loses the charm of the conflict. Because protests have already been done and/or the book has already been banned if it had to be (like Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie) For people who didnt really understand what was going on - Jesus Christ and the Church are two different things and the latter has used the brand name "Christ" to become the most profitable organization in history (the most simplified version of the story) The whole thing about Priory of Sion, Opus Dei, Mary Magdalane are things that will throw people off track if they aren't into this sort of literature.

All in all, its a movie that you have to see if you have read the book.

Rate - 4/5

THREE HOT BOMBS

Charlie's Angels - Full throttle (2003)

So this is what a Hollywood masala mix looks like!
This movie is all about hot chics fighting and lot of money spent over bikinis and sun tan lotion. There are a lot of must-drool-for-men sequences (nuns, bar dancers, nude in the sculpture, at the beach) a lot of kickass action sequences (dirtbike, street luge, golden guns) and a lot of cameos. With a studded star cast like Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac, Demi Moore, Robert Patrick, Luke Wilson, Matt leBlanc and the infamous voice of Charlie, who needs to actually write a storyline. Thats where the movie looses out.
I could keep on mentioning how sizzling hot the women in this movie are, but you'd have to see it for yourself (preferably in private) to truly enjoy the joy of knockers and Helen Zaas, if you know what I mean.
The soundtrack of the movie is awesome - Prodigy, Fatboy Slim and the song for Demi - Have I ever met a girl like you before??
Shout out to the charachter of Shameus O'Grady...Only God will judge him. Respect. And the guy who gets his jollies by uprooting women's hair. Now thats what I call creative!
Rate - 3/5

The first kiss

Dostana (2008)

While I was on my way back from this movie, a friend of mine sitting behind me on the bike was reviewing this movie to her girlfriends over the phone - The movie looked very nice. I think that kind of sums up everything that Im going to mention in my exceptionally boring blog.

The film looks fresh...Priyanka Chopra looks like a dream (back to back good films after Fashion, I thinks she is more lucky than, well, unlucky) She has the curves and the legs of a supermodel, she looks more like one in this movie than Fashion. She wears the skimpiest outfits and makes them look elegant. And so does Shilpa Shetty (hottie!) in an item song.

John Abraham looks like a Greek God and acts decently, esspecially in the first Dolice and Gabbana underwear scene (Cheeks well clenched!) Abhishek Bachchan is ardently charismatic. He has played the gay card with extreme ease which reflects very smoothly on screen. He once again proves his prowess on comedy after a lull of flops.

Boman Irani was the surprize package in the movie. Although he only does a cameo, he plays a fag better than all the fags in Fashion. He is a brilliant actor, need I say more?

There is good situational comedy in the movie and not just stupid jokes like other movies in recent times. Its also upbeat, youthful and oh-so-Miami (Remember Will Smith??) Vulgarity is very well avoided in a sensitive issue like gay relationships, instead friendship is potrayed as more important - that the title, btw!

The songs are rocking, like Jaane kyon, Desi girl and Maa da laadla.

And finally, the kiss - the first gay bollywood kiss - John and Small B...some were nauseated, some were laughing and some were fantasizing...I was out to get some popcorn, so I missed it! But here is what I "make out" of it - Karan Johar is priming his audiences before he finally comes out of the closet.

Rate-3.5/5

Spolier-Priyanka chooses Bobby Deol in the end.

Condom and Shoelace

Quantum of Solace - 007 (2008)

This is one movie that I wanted to talk about since a long time. This movie was supposed to be my birthday treat to my friends, but the cunts would rather eat than enjoy a good movie. Afterall...they were not all that wrong.
Lets start from the beginning, when Ian Flemming wrote this novel, it was about the transition phase of James to Bond (as was Casino Royale) And the directors back in the day, thought that this story lacked the elements needed to make a good Bond film. They say you should listen to your elders, they aren't all that wrong, you know.
The movie is about the revenge of a man called James who incidentally works for Her Majesty's secret services. No gadgets, No "my name is Bond, James Bond" and no seduction. Olga Korilnko is not hot, however she might have been potrayed in the promos. SHE HAS A RASH ON HER BACK. I might sound superficial and the rash is relevant to the story and all, but dude, she is supposed to be a bond girl. An entire generation of raring boys, raging hormones and weird single men are supposed to be surviving on these things. Spare a thought...
You know, its a good thing that the movie is only 1 hr 40 mins long. But the movie is impactful. It passes by you as fast as the action sequences of the movie which are brilliantly done by the director Mark Foster. The impact of "things" hitting "things" is very well done.
I have to give a shout out for Craig Daneil. What a Bond! Although he wouldnt be as suave is Brosnan, or articulate is Connerey, or charismatic as Moore...but he is as intense as Daniel. Intense emotions is his strong point. Deep blue eyes and supple footed, this Bond is ready to run at the drop of a dime (keeping the Brit theme) He has acted the jilted, wounded fighter in a very Bond way...and now this word seems to be hurting my ears.
The titles are not as good as Casino Royale, but the song - Another way to die by Alicia Keys and someone is not bad at all.
The movie is not that bad, but is definately not worth being a Bond film. That doesnt take anything away from Craig Daniel.
Rate-3.5/5

Spoiler - Latest Bond pickup line : Would you please help me come and look for the stationary? (read rubber!)

A Sequeal for the sake (aren't they all?)

Golmaal Returns (2008)
Now I wouldn't have watched this movie if it weren't for my parents and the cheapest theatre around (Pinky) Because its a shitty movie which makes a lot of money (like Singh is King, Race, Cash...you get what I'm talking about) I mean, how can you avoid humour in a comedy? Actually Im ranting so much because I know someone who works for AshtaVinayak. Ajay Devgan is a misfit as always, Tusshar's trying to be funnily dumb isn't really all that funny (see the saas n bahu heading for me with belans!) Shreyas Talpade and Arshad Warsi have done a fairly good job and are the saving grace of the film. Amrita Arora, Celina Jetley and the other chic with Tusshar (I wouldn't know her name and wouldnt take the pain to google it out either!) are an absolute waste. Well, maybe not that other chic, she looks nice. That brings us to Miss Kareena Kapoor...how hot is she?? Although she plays a married n keen K series viewer, she is still hot. I dont care what you say bout her zero size...they definately aren't zero size! And the two songs in which she plays a naughty girl- Meow and Tu Saala- are not featured in the movie. Instead songs like "Tha karke" are featured! (Tu lag jaa gale mere tha karke - wtf?)
Im sorry but i cant rant anymore.
Rate - 1.5/5

Fags...

Fashion (2008)
I saw this movie a couple of days after it came out with Harsh, Sufi and Amogh and i must say i didnt make such a big mistake buying the ticket. After a long time, probably after Rock On! this movie could safely be called a hit. The entire pre-diwali had a conglomarate of bad to worse movies...Hello, Maan gaye..., Drona, Ugly aur Pagli, Singh is King, so on and so forth...
More about the three hot girls in the movie...No 1. Priyanka Chopra is not hot...but nevertheless she is a good actor. Infact, she might even win the best actress award for this movie. Many of the girls i know really like Piggy Chops, but she is punju so...
No.2 Kangana Ranaut....totally owns the role of a drugged-out-dont-give-a-fuck supermodel. She is sensous, striking and sultry. She smokes, speeds, sleeps around and doesnt use as many alliterations as me. Probably she cant because her language skills are terrible. Somebody teach her how to speak. And I heard that she got many parts of her body enhanced for this role...THIS IS ALL BALLS!!!
No.3 Mughda Godse. She gets the award for the best body. Dripping hot, got the whole latino thing going for her. She is underused in this movie, but I see got item girl potential in this girl. That probably means you might never see her in an acting role ever again.
Fags...yes. Every guy in this movie is a homosexual or almost. The men havn't been done justice to, but I'm not complaining with hot women around. All the fashion show sequences are awesome and the music really fits them well. Infact, after the movie, the four of us decided no more movies...save up the money and go for a real fashion show once (and pray for a wardbobe malfunction)
The ending where Priyanka Chopra goes back to the fashion world and all, with all the goodie - goodie feeling...yeah, I didnt like that. Maybe you did. Then you won't like my blog...
Rate-3/5