What the hell is a Faun?

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

I had heard so much about this movie - how it was the best adult fairy-tale ever filmed, the art direction is freaking amazing, its was too good to be true. Apparently, its too believable to be supernatural. I wasn't impressed as much as I thought I would be, maybe I expected too much.

The story is an amalgamation of a little girl, Ofelia's imagination and real life resistance to a Spanish tyrant which is no childs' play. The interplay of these stories is very well done and the higher meaning is also very well potrayed.

The little girl is a princess in her own world where her father is the king and the mother is the king. In reality, her father dies and her mother marries a Spanish captain. Ofelia has her own world of story books and fantasy. When her step brother is being born, her mother dies. Simultaneously, the resistance gets better of the captain brings about his downfall. The climax is a test of her character where she chooses to give her blood over the blood of an innocent (her step brother)

Yes, its a very vivid storyline and the art direction is great, but, seriously...I don't see it...

I don't see why the movie is so abso-fuckin-lutely great?

And what the hell is a faun?

Rate - 2.5/5

Blockbuster Action

Death Race (2008)

This is another mindless, numbing, ruthless, muscle tearing, bullet ripping, car crashing, pile up junkie action movie that I've watched in one day, and how do I feel at the end of the day? Fucking liberated!

After all that I heard about the movie, its not that bad at all. The story makes more sense than I thought it would. And Jason Statham shows off his action movie genre again. The characters are very plain and there is no emotion on any of their faces.(which is a good thing for this movie) The character of Frankenstein doesn't seem to develop through the movie. But then again, ITS A JASON STATHAM MOVIE! Whaddya expect?

A millionaire bitch who runs a correction facility in the middle of the ocean kills Statham's wife and frames him so that he would come to her prison and race as the masked Frankenstein and keep the legend alive so that the fans who watch Death Race live on TV won't be dissapointed and the bitch would make more money. Statham cracks the code and ties all ends up. (Kills the killer of his wife, blows up the bitch, honours the Coach, helps his opponent, wins the Death Race and, I wish, gets down with Natalie Martinez!!)

The death race, per se, is shot very well with good punch of thrills. Its a joyride from the start and doesn't loose momentum. There is absolutely no scene in the movie which seemed extra or unnecessary. The whole wife and kid sequence of the convict hero is done in a short and a non-boring way, which I like. Kinda getting to the point of racing as fast as possible. All in all, a popcorn cruncher action flick!

Rate - 3/5

No guns allowed

The Italian Job (2003)

This movie is no-nosense, no guns, no useless glamour heist movie. Truly entertaining!

Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron probably look like real-life con artists (I wouldn't know how real life con artists are, but i guess) And the other guys also do a good job in keeping it real. None of that Gone in 60 seconds or Oceans' Eleven shit! This is the real deal.

The part where they literally "blow the ground beneath your feet" is what makes the story WOW! Whatever they have to steal, they blow up the ground beneath it and stand exactly below to catch...and run. Plan a good escape and you don't need any guns.

The story builds up very well and the only downer would be no heat. The chemistry between the male and female leads is more real than sexual. But hey, thats the key to the entire movie. Keeping it real!

Edward Norton could've done more with the character he got. Jason Statom on the other hand really puts "Handsome Rob" in the frame.

This is a typical 90's storyline shot with the finesse of the 2000's. Its one of those one hit wonders type movie which are brilliant but isolated. No sequels. No other movie from the same director. Similar movie that comes to my mind - Matador!

Rate - 3.5/5

"How are you?"

"Fine"

"You know what fine means, don't you?"

"Freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional."

What the fuck have you done recently?

Wanted (2008)

This movie is an adrenalin rush. What an action movie! But...there is no storyline. Lets just throw logic out of the window, then the movie is fanta-bolous. (I'm not sure wheather I'm praisin' or dissin')

But seriously, the action sequences are brilliant. Whatever you might say about the story and the wannabe nature of the movie (Wanted to Fight Club and James McAvoy to Edward Norton) I enjoyed the whole bending bullets, trainwrecks and bullet time shootings. And Angelina Jolie. What can I say, I'm a sucker for tatoos which are strategically placed.

The build up when the protaganist is a loser is what makes it gripping. After the self discovery, the character looses his charm and the story takes over. (huh, what story?)

The movie also sends out a message - Take control of your life. (just like Fight Club) "This is me taking control. Of nagging bosses. Of cheating girlfriends. Of back-stabbing best friends. And of evil-minded villians. What the fuck have you done recently?"

Rate - 3/5 (only for the insane action!)

Oye sadda Lucky!

Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye! (2008)

Now thats what I call a title. Why can't we have more movies in which the title doesn't make any sense? (like Phoonk) This movie is a steal, literally. The story of a real life sweet talker Lucky Singh who stole from the rich, mixed with the affluent society and was sincerly truthful in his work. Now where would you find a theif like that? In Delhi.

The story begins in Lucky's adolescent days when he starts liking a girl, but doesn't have a scooter to take her for a ride. Everything begins from there and soon Lucky becomes one of the biggest con artists of the country. He doesn't kill or loot the poor. All he likes is Mercedes, TVs and women. He is a favourite amongst people for his honesty and amongst women for his charm. Abhay Deol fits the bill for the role and does it with ease and grace (as all his past films - Manorama, Ek chaalis ki last local and Socha naa tha)

The music rocks. The movie, on the other hand, starts out as very hilarious but looses grip as it progresses.

There has come a time in Bollywood when being rural north Indian is suddenly cool. After movies like Rang de basanti, Omkara, Tashan, Singh is King, Jab we met, Bunty aur Babli the face of the new Indian hero is an illiterate, punjabi accented, jugaad karnewala, high on fashion banda. (Read Aashu from Roadies or Raja Chowdary from Big Boss) Not that I'm complaining, or that I have something against north Indians guys. (ahem!) Its just that Im liking it too much to believe that I can actually like it.

Rate - 2/5

Absolute gore vs crisp storytelling

Grindhouse (2007)

These are two movies back to back with fake trailers and missing reels. Typical of a lowly grindhouse theatre with bad sound and film quality. But the films are fucking brilliant.

Planet Terror by Robert Rodrigues is about how a small town in Texas is raided by zombies and a one -legged woman saves the day. With an awesome background score by the director himself, this movie has all the gore put together in all the movies you have seen this year. The typical plastic-bag-filled-with-water-crushing sound of cutting flesh and bodies falling is so typical of this genre of movies.

Death Proof is a trademark Quinten Tarentino film with impecable characterization. (Not to mention a lot of hot women) A psychopath car stuntman only kills a bunch of hot women. One such pack decides to give back the psycho, a taste of his own insanity. The car chase is the highlight of this segment of the movie.

Such movies are about how vague and weird the storyline and the direction can get. And these two directors have aced the art of interestingness. Not only because they have stylish camera work, an ear for music and a boner for hot women, but they have a natural knack to tell a story. However weird, small, gory or simple the story might me, I would like it if it was told to me by these motherfuckers.

Rate - 3.5/5

I dont believe in angels, I only believe in pain!

Max Payne (2008)

What a pathetic movie! I mean, this was a serious waste of time. Mark Wahlberg is a really bad Max Payne. Why couldn't they have Timothy Gibbs play Max Payne (it was him on which the character was designed in the game - The Fall of Max Payne) The game is super excellent and the movie is miles away from even dreaming of being so good.

This shows that good visuals and sin-city-like styling maketh not a good movie. Maketh a good movie - Substance. And this movie needs a serious dose of substance. Because we all know the characters, we understand the depth of the story, but the movie itself has poor characterization. The entire flying demons part looks very nice and the part when Payne takes the Vikaryl is very well done. But that all that I can praise the movie for. I seriously couldn't find anything on the upside (and believe me, I tried)

And to make matters worse, Olga Kurleyenko (the not-hot-at-all Bond girl) does a small bit in the movie. Thank heavens she doesn't have a rash when she takes her top off.

Rate - 1/5

Loosly connected, strongly bound.

Babel (2006)

This Oscar winner is an absolute treat for the mind. A twisted tale of four seemingly unrelated stories with no real deep connection but one thing in common - how humans cope with unexpected worse case scenarios (things they wouldn't even dream of happeneing even in their ugliest nightmares) and how life can get so difficult, so trying, so unfair and eventually so... righteous.

Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu as done a phenomenal job of story-telling with the correct mix of sensitivity and brutality, using a soothing background score and scorching locations for the cinematic effect. He is a mezmerizing story teller (which I could also tell from his earlier "21 grams")

Cate Blanchett plays the unlucky woman who gets shot by freak gunfire in Morocco by two kids whose father has just bought a rifle. The rifle originally belonged to a Japanese man whose daughter is deaf and mute who is hungry for love. (sex alike) Brad Pitt desperately tries to save Cate in Tazarine while their kids are back home being taken care off by a Mexican nanny, who has to reach home for her son's wedding. She takes the kids along with her to Mexico, eventually gets caught by the police and is deported out of the States. The young man who mistakenly shot at Cate surrenders to the police not before his innocent younger brother gets killed in gunfire. And as for the young Japanese woman, she doesn't get to have sex, neither can she ever get over the visual of her mom killing herself.

This mastereous inter-racial storyline is crafted for simplicity and human endurance. Thumbs up.

Rate - 4/5

Compulsory for all football fans

Goal II : Living the dream (2007)

Santiago Munez goes to Real Madrid. Enter Ronaldo, Beckham, Zidane, Carlos and Ronaldinho. This movie is a visual treat (for fans and movie goers) With slick editing and one fast Lamborghini, the movie is fast paced. The ball tricks are obviously absolutely awesome.

The storyline could've done with some rainchecks and the footballing stars could've done with some dialogues, but I'm not complaining that much. Because I enjoyed the movie.

The movie comes with a moral - whatever goes up has to come down. And take it form personal experience, whatever goes up really fast, comes down even quicker. And trying to hold on to it, makes it bitter and bitter until it tastes like, well, me.

Rate - 2/5