since 26

you dont need a narration. tell the voice inside your head to shut up. your guitar has stopped bleeding. you killed it yourself after the concert. but the song still remains the same. raindrops always make you sad. sunshine, makes you feel angry. it isn't a regular story. for, nothing ever happened to you could be regular. you weren't born this way. this city doesn't belong to you. you don't belong here. its a new feeling. grass has grown from your garden upto your door. its been so long since you shaved. or had a bath. memories of her are a like a ghost. a faint whisper, but you can never see it, can't touch her hands. wine. music. carosel. happiness. little dim flickering lights. your daughters' shinning blonde hair. your throat begins to dry. you pull up your car and step out.the song doesn't change. you only feel worse, like throwing up. the mountains have ended. no use jumping. your gun doesn't have bullets anymore. the knives that you carry are blunted with rust.no one can imagine what you were thinking through the pain. the pain finally seems so comforting. realizing it is just the first part, of redemption, of retribution, of revival, of reconcilation and of reversal. not possible in your case. none. the smell of tobacco and the burning sound of paper ruin your high.every drop makes an ocean. every mistake is a crime. you think you're paranoid. sitting besides a dog, seeing him pee on your front tyre. you don't even shoo him away. every drop makes an ocean. every mistake isn't a crime, is it? the dog only stares at you. with unseeing eyes, doesn't reply. doesn't go away. orange skies. you try and remember how you got here. did life get you here? or that bitch. or the other bitch! everything was going all right, she came and she ruined everything.every movie you've ever seen has ended this way. your life is about to end. and you know there is one more thing left to do. run in the fields. see a rainbow. hit a home run. save a dying man. just once. you need to get up, you have to get up. walk across the road. ask for help. not a soul in sight. just you and your bleeding spleen. your hand covers it, but doesn't cover enough. you take off your shoes. the last time your shoes got blood stained, you had a bad day. this was better. you can hear the horses. from far away. the war wasn't really over. but why were they coming for you? all you had is the key. you put in the doorknob. turn it clockwise. the door opens.at this point of time, endless possibility lay in front of you. you're not scared to open the door, but you want something to surprize you. before that you have a choice - right leg or left. you put your right foot forth. you are still wearing your shoes. you remember taking them off. you see a door diametrically opposite yours. the doorknob swerves. the door opens. you see footsteps. no shoes.you would be surprized how much you can tell about a man if you can't see his face. esspecially if he is a woman. and if she is holding a gun. your gun. her head is a gaint flashlight, blinding you. making you unable to move. she fires one round. another. you don't feel anything. she is annoyed to you see you smiling. you smile as if you were the God. the God that saved you. the flashlight comes closer to you, as if she is running towards her lover.the sight of well toned thighs in a black skirt is making you horny. you wonder if she would kneel and give you some head. but she raises her leg. to kick your nuts. hard. you collapse to the ground. who is smiling now? still you.the flashlight completely blinds you. and when you open your eyes you see the clear afternoon blue sky bathing in the sun. you try to get up but the sides of your bath tub are very slippery. white cranes and kingfishers are flying around. their sound doesn't seems to lull the pain in your testicles, rahter encourage it. your bath tub is in the middle of a beach. you aren't surprized, why would you be? a crane sits on the left edge of your bath tub. it looks a little bit like the bitch who pee-ed on your tyre. it pecks you. you start bleeding. you see the thing about hallucinations is that, you wouldn't know its really happening. but when you know a bird has poked his beak in you and you are going to die, you want your entire life to flash in front of your eyes. then what the fuck is this?i told you not to listen to me. i'm just the voice in your head